|About the Book|
Intro.“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road, time grabs you by the wrist. Directs you where to go. So make the best of this test and dont ask why. It’s not a question but a lesson learned in time. It’s something unpredictable, but in theMoreIntro.“Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road, time grabs you by the wrist. Directs you where to go. So make the best of this test and dont ask why. It’s not a question but a lesson learned in time. It’s something unpredictable, but in the end its right. I hope you had the time of your life.” -“Time of Your Life”-Green Day.I can’t exactly say where I went “wrong” in love and now that I think about it, life, in general. I have learned though that “wrong” and “right” are relative. I guess I live such an “eh” type of life nowadays, it was just second nature to be scorned, hurt, written off. So, being the the masochist I apparently am, I just continue dating men that I KNOW are “sport fishing”, thinking that I will be their saving grace- and I am…for the night. Having friends that I bend over backwards for that would throw me under a bus and run right back over me just because they can. Helping others when I can’t even help myself. I somehow always manage to make it- and realize the bullshit you go through in life is for a reason, it builds character. By writing this book, I hope anyone who reads this going through the same things, understands there is no preverbal “checklist” for life. Your life is just that, YOUR life.Nothing really phases me anymore. I still don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Have I become desensitized? Or have I just become a realist? I have become almost TOO good at taking emotions out of the equation when dating. I can “date” (and I use that term loosely) a guy, and have zero attachment. On the flip side of that, when I just can’t take emotion out of it, I turn into “One Flew Over the Coocoo’s Nest”- and it aint pretty. Looking back on all the love lost I kind of want to open some champs and pour some out for my homies…then celebrate. I couldn’t even, for a brief second, bear to think about what, where, WHO I might have become if I stayed in these tumultuous relationships with burnouts, players and at some points, full blown sociopaths. I have gained, lost, and weeded out people in my life. Not because I wanted to, because I had to. There are also the allusive, “ones that got away”. Which, I still hold hope that someday, either I will understand why, or they will come back with their tail between their legs- but I am not holding my breath.I’ll go ahead and give some background on myself to preface this tell-all, my mother is going to have a cardiac arrest when she reads this, book. People have always said my life is a soap opera. Even though I would never directly be involved with drama- it kind of just finds me. You honestly couldn’t script my life. First and foremost, I am an open book. Figuratively in the beginning, but now very literally. This isn’t a book about love, or “look at me I am interesting!”. It is about letting people know they are not alone. You may look flawless on paper, or the internet or in public, but the internal, and sometimes external, battles you face, someone else is having those same struggles day in and day out. Also, Jameson on the rocks cures just about anything…Chapter 1“Believe in me. Help me believe in anything. I want to be someone who believes. Mr. Jones and me tell each other fairy tales. Stare at the beautiful women. Shes looking at you. Ah, no, no, shes looking at me.” Smiling in the bright lights. Coming through in stereo. When everybody loves you, you can never be lonely. I will paint my picture. Paint myself in blue and red and black and gray. All of the beautiful colors are very very meaningful. Gray is my favorite color. I felt so symbolic yesterday. If I knew Picasso would buy myself a gray guitar and play.” “Mr. Jones”- Counting CrowsI am 30 years old and a SWF ( Single White Female for those unfamiliar with dating classifieds) living in Dallas, Texas. I am a writer, entrepreneur, sports nut, broadcaster, perpetual dater, always the bridesmaid never the bride type shit and never settler. I am, some would say, eccentric? Some would say unrealistic, but the majority, I think ,would say different. People either love me or hate me. Although I don’t have “enemies”, at least I don’t think. The bottom line is I am not here to impress anyone, get something from anyone, or pretend to be anything I am not. Some people say I am TOO open and honest about my life. I don’t believe in being too honest because if you are truly you 100% of the time, even if you’re not sure who that is, you will find out- and weed out people who don’t love your beauty AND your flaws. Because NEWSFLASH, everyone has flaws. Also, I really just stopped giving a rats ass what people think. I am me. That is all I can be....and I did not intend for that to rhyme. I will try to be girlie for a hot minute here and compare it to purses. How would you feel if you found out you were given a knock-off Michael Kors that you were convinced was real? Not great eh? However, how would you feel if you were given a real Michael Kors and knew, without a doubt, it was real from day one? Loud and proud!!! Perception is reality, so might as well just be real so people perceive you as nothing but.I have had three great “loves” of my life, I am talking three, no bullshit, “loves”. Which is why I don’t necessarily believe in soul mates- but you will hear all about my conspiracy theory in Chapter 9 on that topic. I have a tremendous, amazing, beautiful group of friends. When it comes to people, I want to meet all of you and know YOUR story. Have you ever sat back while driving home from work wondering where are all these people going? What is their story? Well lucky for you, I have no shame in asking. The beauty of metaphorically walking a mile in someone’s shoes, is that you see their side. You may not agree, and they may legitimately be pieces of shit, but at least you tried to see their side.I love learning. I have a Bachelors degree in public relations from Texas Tech University (Wreck Em’)- and if ANYONE knows good ol’ Lubbock, Texas, graduating from Tech is no 12 ounce glide. You are committed after four years, you are going 24 ounce on this! Yes, I said four years because to be a Texas Tech Alumn you either have had to fail out freshman year and go home then come back, or fail out freshman year get it together and do what us Red Raiders like to call…our victory lap (5+ years).After enough school to become an MD, I finally walked that stage. Grabbed my diploma and headed straight for…my parents car in whom were taking me home…to their house…because I had no job and no money. AWESOME!!! Exactly where I wanted to be a college graduate and still where I was before this piece of paper. I guess I should mention I graduated college in 2008. During the worst recession in American history- 30 year veterans of their said job were being laid off! How in the hell do you expect me to go get a job when the hiring managers are literally interviewing you while eating Raman?To make a long story less long, my life HAS been a soap opera. However, with all the craziness that has occurred in my life, it has made me stronger, a hell of a lot smarter, and an extremely entertaining story teller.This book is about finding love, losing love, finding yourself, losing yourself, eating Taco Bell until you feel like you are going to die, following a dream when people tell you you will never make it and understanding EVERYONE has a story- and it may be WAY deeper than you could possibly imagine.Who deemed my life interesting enough to become a book? Me. You could not script this. So sit back grab some Pinot because this shit is about to get real.